I’ll never… February 8, 2010

Last week I started doing something that I’ve never wanted to do – crochet. A few people have sat down with me over the years to try and teach me and I have gotten so frustrated with it. Last week, my daughter learned to crochet in one of her classes and wanted to work on it, so I got on YouTube (I have to see things to get them) and watched a couple videos on crocheting basics. I had a scarf started the first day. I’ve made three scarves so far – it’s really easy and relaxing once I loosened up. I need to be doing something constantly – I really don’t know how to relax. So when my husband wants to watch TV in the evening (I’m not a big TV fan, but I like being with him) I can just pull out the yarn and “do something.” Yesterday, I finished a scarf in the car – I loved having something to do when all I can do it sit.

Anyway, it’s funny finding myself doing things I swore I’d never do – I guess it goes on a list with other “nevers” like being a pastor’s wife, living in California, having kids, homeschooling…

It’s all good.

A Weekend of Firsts February 8, 2010

I love adventure and lately I’ve had to make my own – my life is not full of wonderful uncertainties like it used to be.  On Saturday I took the kids to a nearby “cheap” theater to see “The Princess and the Frog.” It was pouring rain, so it was a perfect day to hide inside. We had a great time and when we came out it was pouring even worse than before the movie began. As my husband had the car and he wasn’t due back for another hour and a half, I decided to do something I’ve never done before – sneak into another movie. Ok, I’m not a rebel and obviously, most of my adventures thus far have been rather legal, but it was so fun. My son was totally oblivious to what we were doing, but my daughter was so nervous and excited at the same time – very cute. She knew we were breaking the rules and was giddy, wondering if we were going to get caught. We watched about half of the movie, then they got bored and we left. When we came  out of the theater, the sun was out and we walked next door and had pizza until daddy came.

My other “first” was riding a moped. My husband bought one a few years ago to get to work and back when gas was through the roof, but I never wanted to ride it alone – it’s way too big for me. Today we were at my sister-in-law’s for Super Bowl and her family collects mopeds, Vespas  etc. After the guys went for a ride, my nieces asked me to go – it was AWESOME! I wanted to go faster and faster – it was so freeing and now I know why my husband loves his.  Everything just slipped away and I was overwhelmed with joy. It was freezing outside, so we only went out for about 10 minutes, but I can’t wait for warmer weather and may have to consider getting one – very freeing!

God’s Will Pt. 2 January 27, 2010

To dovetail off of what I wrote a bit ago concerning Sarah Palin, this Sunday my pastor taught a great message regarding the 3rd Commanment. He discussed using the Lord’s name in vain. Of course there are the obvious examples – cursing, but he brought up a great point that I have never considered or heard taught. He said that ” Taking the Lord name is vain, it using His name for your gain.” Basically saying “God’s will” to things that are clearly your own. This is what brought me back to Palin’s tendency to bring “God’s will” into everything she does – or anyone else for that matter.

It doesn’t have to be just the religious right, it can goes for those supporting the Jihad as “God’s will.” Great evils have always been done in His precious name without His consent. Anyone heard of the Crusades?

Also I got to thinking that the reverse of this can also be considered taking His name in vain; giving God blame for evil that is done. That is equally as prevalent as the former and perhaps even more so. God gets blamed for great ills of the world but never receives credit for its great blessings.

What can be most frustrating about God being brought into everything is that the end of everything is brought to light. Whether it was His will or not, the end result is eventually revealed. Then the damage doubles and the confusion widens as people begin to questions whether God leads us into pain and suffering and what kind of God would do that. Then people shake their fists at the Almighty when all along it was their fervent willingness to jump head first into trouble and then have the audacity to make God their scapegoat.

Yes, there is evil in the world and a great percentage of it is caused by you and me. So next time you decide to build a pipeline in Alaska or go to war, leave God out of it, please.

Two of Us January 23, 2010

This last year has been a complete roller coaster for my husband and me – not to mention our kids. we went from being unemployed to moving to still unemployed to ministry to fulltime work and ministry and now we’re entering a new adventure. My husband and I have been asked to lead a local church’s couples’ ministry. Rod Collins, pastor of Sanctuary in Calimesa, Ca was Mondo’ mentor since he was in high school. He has been a constant fixture in Mondo’s life and a blessing to our family. About three years ago, he stepped away from a local church where he held a weekly study and started something new a little east of here.

Long story short, he asked us to come on board and take over the couples’ ministry. It’s a really exciting and humbling opportunity for us, first because it’s the first time we’ve been able to minister together since we lived in Hungary, before we had kids. And even more so, because we are actually going to minister side-by-side. It is humbling because our marriage is not perfect and we can’t even (and don’t want to)  pretend that it is. We have always believed that one of the greatest ways to minister is to do so from the perspective of journeying with others, not watching them “arrive” to where we are; our failures are just as useful as our victories.

Our wish is to start a bi-weekly study taking couples through the video series Love and Respect. This series has been such a blessing in our marriage and believe it’s a basic, but excellent tool to healing and growing every marriage. To follow our progress, visit our ministry blog Two of Us @ twoofusatsanctuary.wordpress.com

… January 14, 2010

I spent the last day in a half staying with my grandma on a mini-vacation. I’ve always loved going to my grandma’s house; it’s like a museum, but one that is warm and fuzzy. Grandma is completely eclectic and I like knowing who I got it from. She never baked cookies with me or taught me to knit, but she would take me boogie boarding and tried (unsuccessfully) to teach me to burp at will. I remember her lathering herself in turtle oil as we’d sit on the beach and I envied her ability to tan. She is more Danish that I am and she gets this amazing tan, when not even my Sicilian side can help me in that area. Grandma loves to have fun and belongs to just about every club within her reach: Optimist, Coronado Garden Club, a number of Bridge clubs, PEO, Golf Club and who knows how many others.

She always reads the last chapter of a book first and can never remember the title of a movie she saw five minutes ago. She is fun and she knows it.

Three years ago my grandfather passed away and believe me, it’s compeltely untrue that “you can’t take it with you,” because a large part of her left when he did. She keeps herself busy but in quiet moments you can see her shoulders sag and her eyes water. “Grandma, what do you miss most about him,” I asked last night over a game of Gin Rummy. “Hmm. Everything,” she replied. I got choked up and had to agree. You can’t pinpoint what it was specifically, it was truly “everything.” ” What was the hardest part about being married to him,” I asked fearing I was going to far. “Never being right. It wasn’t that, but the fact that it didn’t matter if I was right, he gave his opinion and the case was closed.” “Did it drive you nuts?” “Ah, well, I got over it, it didn’t really matter,” she said as if it really didn’t matter. This of course was hard for me to imagine, but somehow I believed her.

“Did you like being a Navy wife? Was it hard when he was gone all the time and you had to keep yourself busy or did you like the freedom?” I was on a role now and not just asking random questions, but I wanted to know how the women I came from felt about life. “I never thought about it. I just did what I had to do.”

I had heard this before, but not from my mother’s generation or anyone since. I had heard it from women who knew how hard life was, simply because it was simply life. “Grandma, no one in my generation thinks that way. We don’t do things for the good of those around us, we do things if they’re good for us.” I said this matter of factly, but with shame. I love my husband, but “doing what I have to do” gets old and then…  I think the difference between my grandma’s generation and mine,  or more specifically my grandma and me is that there is no …  It’s just part of, or a fact of life for her and for me it’s an unnecessary irritation that I can do without. Not to say that there were never moments for grandma when she’d had it, but she didn’t try to escape them, they were expected and even after 62 years of marriage to a man who was always right, she still misses EVERYTHING about him.

Shakespeare for seven year olds January 12, 2010

I was in the car listening to Taylor Swift today when the song “Love Story” came on. My daughter was in the back belting out the lyrics and then stopped and asked me what she was singing about. You have to understand that my daughter asks LITERALLY 1000 questions a day – which I’m learning to love about her  – when she’s not driving me nuts:) Anyway, I told her the story about Romeo and Juliet and she got quiet and then asked, “why would anyone write something so sad?” I had to laugh because why indeed? That made me think about human nature and how we recoil from our own suffering, but indulge in that of others.  I love sad stuff – I’m totally morbid that way, i just feel comfortable there, which honestly is not a healthy thing for me. Anyway, I didn’t really have an answer.

Later my niece was in the car with us and Mary asked for the same song again. I heard her explaining Shakespeare’s tragedy to her. She was so animated and in its telling. I piped up and told her that Swift’s song had a happy ending though. “Oh GOOD!” she gasped, “because that was just terrible.”  I love how she sees the world.

Sarah Palin and “God’s Will” January 11, 2010

I’m not politically minded at all. I am a one issue voter and really hate being tied to a party – one party – or more often than not - any party. I’m an anomaly in my family who are all flag waving Republicans. Anyways, something Sarah Palin said recently caught my eye. Actually it’s a phrase that she repeats often and I can’t help but wonder how it is received by people who only think they know what she’s talking about: God’s Will.  She has used this lingo concerning the War with Iraq, her wish to run for office and the Alaskan Pipeline. There have probably been more, but a brief Google brought these up. As a believer, I understand the terminology for my life, but when used as a blanket statement for world-wide events, I cringe as a Believer and the unbelieving world finds it repugnant.

To say that the war in Iraq is “God’s will” conjures up a picture of Jesus carrying an AK47, wearing an Armani suit, having an expensive dinner with oil tycoon friends and casually waving his hand while considering the civil deaths in Iraq as “collateral damage.” This is not the Christ who I know nor how I want the rest of the world to perceive Him. I have no idea whether it is God’s will for Palin to run for political office – but more importantly, does she?

God’s will has come to be synonymous with a feeling or hunch and has been used to justify the most heinous events; Christians in pre-WWII Germany thought that Hitler’s rise to power was “God’s will” and the Crusades were a result of a similar hunch.  I had a friend tell me recently that “Katrina was God’s will. His way of wiping out an evil place.” I wanted to vomit. To say that the war in Iraq is God’s will because it will help usher in the last days, is to tread on rather unsupported theological ice – plus it leaves a unbelieving world scratching their heads. If God’s will is reduced to nothing more than a warm-fuzzy, a burning in the bosom or a logical conclusion considering circumstantial evidence in our own lives, then if can lead us to justify things that are clearly not His will. I can say it’s God’s will to leave my husband simply because I have feelings toward someone else and the circumstances appear to be leading me that way. God’s will can eventually be anything I want – anything I want.

Should politicians use the phrase? Sure, but make sure it’s being used in a way that is extremely personal and does not include every third world and Arab country. Make sure it’s in regards to a personal decision or stand, don’t use it as a way to justify hypocrisy, because that’s what makes an unbelieving world hate the very concept of a will other than their own.

Conquering the Ubsurd January 9, 2010

I hate New Year’s resolutions for so many reasons. I hate the pressure of binding commitments eventhough this one is only with myself – I hate to let myself down. I also hate them because they are a waste of time as I have never known anyone, self included, who has kept one for more that 2 weeks. Also, I hate them because everyone does them and I hate being clumped with “everyone” (which is really lame because i’m a Twilight junkie). Vices aside, I have something in mind that I’d like to work on this year. It’s not a resolution, just something I’d like to change about myself.

I tend to be a rather fearful person, but it’s always about stupid stuff. I have no problem picking up my bags and moving to Eastern Europe straight out of high school, but I’m afraid of public restrooms. Do you see where I’m headed with this? It’s the rediculous things I sweat, I worry about and keep me from relaxing.

I love to play the piano, but I hate playing for anyone who is actually listening.  My kids will bop in and try to distract me because, God forbid, they don’t get ALL my attention. Sometimes my father-in-law will sit and listen, but mostly it’s a form of therapy for me; a quick psychological break from the fast stream of life. But the other night we had friends over and they wanted to hear me play. I broke out in a cold sweat, my hands began to shake and I tried to talk them out of the request. They insisted, so I sat down, already defeated. I didn’t even make it through the song. It was like I was looking at the piece for the first time and hadn’t played it countless times before. I was so embarrassed and my husband stared at me dumbfounded “Who is this person pretending to be my wife?”

The whole event took me back to a piano recital my freshman year of high school. It was Christmas time and I had memorized a fancy version of a familiar carol. I sat at the piano to play in front of everyone and began…and stopped…and began again. Three times. I never made it through. I stood up, apologized and never played for anyone again. It wasn’t my first recital, I’d been playing for years. But something about that age, that night and where I was in life paralysed me and I never got over it.

These are the fears I’m speaking of, the ones that make no sense, the ones that make me shudder when I open a door of a public bathroom stall. These are the ones I want to conquer – the ubsurd.

Hannah Montana or Harry Potter? January 5, 2010

I’ve been thinking lately about the standards or boundaries that we lay for our kids. Last night we were discussing with friends about how the ideals we had before having children quickly change once we have them i.e. using the TV as a babysitter or using spankings as discipline. I’ve always been anti-TV and really try to  limit my kids’  intake, but sometimes, if it gives me 30 minutes of much-needed rest – go for it. Likewise people reject the idea of using spankings as a form of discipline, but as my mom says,” ‘People say it’s wrong to spank your child when you’re angry.’ But what kind of person spanks them when they’re not?”

Anyway, I was trying to examine why I allow my children certain privileges and not others. I hate the entire Disney-raising-my-children concept and Hannah Montana is not permitted in the house, but my 7-year-old daughter loves to rock out in the car to Maroon 5, David Archuletta, Taylor Swift and The Killers. She isn’t allowed to watch iCarly but knows everything about Harry Potter.  I admit it seems like a ridiculous tradeoff, but I guess I’d rather raise a child who asks questions constantly about lyrics and character dilemmas and philosophy, than to believe the best God has for her is to be a Rock Star.

I want children who think. I don’t want them spoon-fed silly juvenile concepts; I’d rather have them wrestle with the concepts of right and wrong than who is better, Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus.

Taylor Swift made me cry January 3, 2010

I have completely avoided the Taylor Swift phenomenon because I thought she was the music world’s reincarnation of Hannah Montana. I even avoided my favorite radio station as they celebrated the “12 days of Swiftness.” Gag!

Well, after seeing her host SNL, I have a new found respect for her. I’d say “tolerance” but it’s more than that. So, after seeing her perform, I downloaded her album (check out mp3fiesta.com.  50 cent albums, very cool.)  I also found out she’s 20 and not 16 like I’d feared. So, I’m driving and decide to play it. My 7 year old daughter is asking me to play the songs again and I’m in the front seat bawling! I loved them. I don’t think I could handle it everyday, but her lyrics are so innocent but insightful. It took me back to being 15 before I had any regret. It reminded me of my first love, who at 15 told me he loved me and I believed him. Like I said, couldn’t handle her album everyday, but really connected with me while PMS-ing.