Relateable Me

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I Die Daily March 2, 2009

Filed under: Confessions,Life chapters — relateableme @ 4:35 am

Last  a night we met with a few families that want to be apart of the new church plant in San Bernardino. We went around and shared what the Lord is speaking to us about our own lives and about the church goals in general. One friend said something that has really stuck out to me and God won’t let me shake it off.

He shared that since recently having their first child, he’s learning that his life is not about himself anymore, but about her, about dying to himself for someone who’s needs are greater than his own. This is not a major revelation, just a wake up call for me. It’s so interesting how the most basic Christian tenants can lie dormant until we realise we have completely ignored them and are being convicted, ever so gently.

This is so where I am right now. As a stay-at-home ministry mom, my life, by necessity (not personal design, trust me) is about dying for others. It’s just that I’m so tired of it right now and the load seems too much and I’m more than a little bitter about the whole thing. Actually, it stinks and I hate it if I must be honest.

I feel like my whole life is censored and altered to fit everyone else’s needs while I’m completely exhausted and empty. I know, poor me, there are women who live this way constantly and are sold into sexual slavery – ok, I get it – but my little life, even without the sexual slavery – is tiresome and a bummer right now.

I am constantly reminded to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.” It helps to weed out the legitimate issues from the spiritual warfare – at least when I apply it – it usually takes me a couple rounds with the enemy before I figure out what’s happening.

Big, uncomfortable changes make way for the flesh and I’m learning to die daily. When I face times like this, my usual prayer goes something like, “Please God do all you want to do in me now so I don’t have to be here again.” I’m excited at the fruit that will come as i die daily and see the ugly possibilities if my sin prevails. Deliver me from myself Lord.


One Response to “I Die Daily”

  1. Terri Says:

    Amanda, you are a phenomenal writer. I have a great appreciation for your insight and even your thought-process (from what I’ve read) is undeniably brilliant. WOW!
    I love and appreciate honesty and this entry “I die daily” is “the truth”, my neice would say. My only concern is that there are quite a few books ito come out of each of these excerpts and I’d hate for you to be mad at me for publishing them first (smile!)
    All jokes aside, the concept of dying daily is something that needs to be taught more thoroughly in churches throughout the world–especially here in America. Many of us just don’t get it! Coming out of a church that read the scripture and left you there-it was quite frustrating.
    The world surely repels the concept. It reminds me of a book that one of those TV personalities wrote called “Burnt toast”. It was like a self-empowerment tool for mothers and women who always put others ahead of themselves; and therefore left to eat the “burnt toast”.
    Anyway, back to my original point… I have gone through may different extremes in an attempt to die daily: from living like a stoic and having no joy, to living to please man thinking that I was practicing GODly self-denial and still–no joy!
    But what I’ve discovered during a few sober moments (smile!) is that denying oneself is actually quite liberating. GOD said that his commandments are not grievous and we all know that GOD CAN’T lie :(sometimes I don’t always feel that way) — Ihave actually found it to be TRUE in my own life. It’s not easy but the more we “reckon are flesh dead”, like practicing sin the easier it becomes. Dying daily is more like being liberated through submission!!

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