I spend a lot of time counseling people about various issues and struggles. I guess like anything, I get so in the habit of giving advice that when I’m faced with a personal crisis situation, I have to choose to use the advice I so freely give to others.
Last night I was faced with such a crisis. I’ve had somewhat of a foreboding lately about something I feared God was going to put on my plate; Last night, I got the main course and I was livid. I woke up from a bad dream (too much Harry Potter) and couldn’t go back to sleep. For four hours I wrestled with God and told Him how I felt. It was so liberating to be honest with God. I initially attempted to pussy foot around how I really felt and finally decided, instead, to just come out with it and lay it out in human terms for God. I cried and cried and yelled in my head at Him and told Him all the reasons why I was angry and doubting His best interests for me. By five AM, I fell asleep and while I thought about the issue throughout the day, I was at peace in my heart. Iwas at peace with God.
I remember a few years ago when we started youth ministry that we had a get together with a bunch of the kids. We broke up into groups and started sharing about what God was doing in out lives. The girls went around and shared how God was teaching them this and that – rather basic, almost shallow things. Then we got to a girl who was new to the group. She had grown up in a broken home and had come back to Ca. to live with her father who had preveiously been a terrible spiritual example to her. I asked what God was teaching her. She looked right at me and without batting an eye, poured out honest word after honest word; she didn’t even know anymore if God was real. She was sick of Christianity, had little to no faith and wasn’t even sure if she cared anymore. Everyone went silent and sat in uncomfortable silence. I had to wonder if any of the other “good Christian girls” had ever had those same thoughts? Of course they had at some time, but went on acting instead of growing. I looked right at the girl and told her that was the best thing I had ever heard and I that more than anything else anyone there had shared, her honesty excited me most. I truly believed that if she took her doubts to God, He would meet her. He did and over the years, she found her faith and is now a missionary.
Anyone who says you can’t be honest with God or says that it’s disrespectful to tell Him how you feel, I fear will never grow. It’s the same in a marriage or friendship. Not dealing honestly with problems, doesn’t mean you don’t have any, it just means you don’t care enough about that relationship to be honest. Wrestle with God, He won’t get His feelings hurt. As for my situation, I’m not sure what God will do, but at least now I truly want His heart in the situation and I know He will give me the strength to obey.