Relateable Me

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PMS and the Eternal Excuse April 10, 2010

Filed under: Random nonsense — relateableme @ 10:15 pm
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I realize that this excuse is old – it was probably old 1000 years ago when men gladly ran off to war to escape the more frightening moodiness of their brides.  It’s old, but seriously valid. My PMS gets increasingly worse and I’m left to wonder if it’s the result of three things: age, lifestyle choices or mental instability.

1. Age:

I’m turning 36 this month and am thrilled. Not really, I hate getting older and can’t believe when women say they love their 30’s – as far as I’m concerned, they suck. Each month I get moodier and more delusional and wonder if within 10 years I’ll be carted off in handcuffs around the 30th day of some future random July.  I also wonder if I should swallow the $200 and get my blood work done and hormone levels tested and have some super-deluxe hormone cream developed for me – and all of mankind I come in contact with over that 10 day period of instability. Better yet, I could wait for the government to pay for it, as I could be considered a menace to society. Not only am I a wreck, but it lasts longer. What happened to 4 day periods? For the record, I do realize that there are pharmaceuticals  out there to help me, but I refuse to pollute my body with unnatural methods, so I’m on the lookout for organic solutions.

2.  Lifestyle Choices:

I’m a vegetarian/lactose intolerant, yoga loving, non-smoking, beer drinking and a fairly health-minded individual. I am wondering if the infusion of soy products in my diet is increasing my estrogen levels contributing to the madness.  I can’t afford to eat all organics and I live in an urban area surrounded by nature – perhaps not enough nature. So, not sure what else I can change there.

3. Mental Instability:

In all fairness to the other two category contenders, I have often imagined myself growing old in an asylum someday. I’m not stark raving mad, just melancholy by nature and am prone to fits of depression. As women are not known for violent crimes, it is not unheard of for us to make rash and miscalculated decisions and I do wonder if those who do commit them are PMS-ing at the time. The thoughts that run rampant through my head while under the influence of hormones are outrageous, yet at the time they seem completely justifiable and sane. It’s so bizarre to wake up the morning after the PMS-ing has ended and think,  “Dear God, I almost…”

So while I agree that the excuse is overused, it may be plausible 75% of the time. I have to change something, and fast. I have only 20 days of sanity on the horizon before my other, delusional self makes an entrance.